This actual person is not the fictitious person in my story. She just looks similar.

“I know. He shall be a constant reminder to me that I need to get a nicer place to live”, Stefan said looking to see if his beer was on its way. Gretchen brought their drinks and went back to her bar without saying anything.

“You can always come and shack up with me”, Marie said, smiling.

Even though Marie’s apartment had several advantages over Stefan’s, it was only a little bit bigger than his apartment in the U-District and he wasn’t sure that the two of them could cohabitate in such a small space.

“You say that now, but you’d get tired of me hanging out there all the time”, Stefan said, taking a swig of his Rainier.

“I’m only there when I sleep, and it’s so cold when I’m all by lonesome.”

“This is true. But, you have no parking. Where would I put the van?”, Stefan said, pointing his thumb in the direction of The Kidnapper Van.

“Rent a parking space somewhere. If we split my rent and you pay a hundred bucks to park that thing, you’ll still be ahead”, Marie said, convinced that this plan would work, but she knew that she would need to keep up the pressure on Stefan if she really wanted him to move in.

“But you don’t have a TV!”

“I don’t have a TV because I don’t hang out at home. I watch it here, or at the cafe.”

“I’m not ready to give up my apartment yet. I’ve been doing pretty well as far as money goes.”

As far as reality went, Stefan was just a little disconnected. As long as he saw some cash going into his wallet, he figured he was doing good. The fact that the balance on his savings account kept diminishing was something he would about some time in the future. Marie could never figure out if Stefan was keeping up with his lifestyle, as unextravagant as it was, but she wasn’t in any position to give out financial advice either.

“Well, I’m willing to give a try whenever you are. I sure hope you’re staying over tonight.”

“I am yours for the evening, my lady. I will entertain you as you desire.”

“Can we go drive the van around the parking lot at Southcenter and scare the white folks?”, Marie asked, clapping her hands together.

“Sure, but I better not keep drinking this beer. I don’t want to run afoul of the law.”, Stefan said, pushing his beer away.

Stefan pulled out a five dollar bill and put it under his beer bottle. He stood up and offered to pull Marie’s chair out for her, but she just punched him in the gut and laughed. The two of them walked across the street and drove off in the van, setting out to terrorize some young mothers at the mall.

***

Seattle is city practically surrounded by water, with Puget Sound to the west and Lake Washington to the east. The Ship Canal and Lake Union bisect the city with water. It’s only natural with this abundance of water that there would be ducks. Actually they are DUKW’s, but just Ducks for short. A DUKW is an amphibious landing craft from that was used in World War II and the Korean War to ferry supplies and troops. It looks like a big open boat with truck tires sticking out of the hull, with a propellor hanging off the back. Now they just carried tourists on tours around the city, hoping to get them whipped into a frenzy.

During the summer, it’s not unusual to get surrounded by these vehicles if you happen to be driving Downtown, or near the stadiums, or around Lake Union. The drivers do the usual jokes and noise making to entertain the tourists that are eager for this type of thrill. Since these old beasts of war are fairly large vehicles to manuever, most of the drivers are men, but there were a couple of women determined enough to tame a duck. Sheila Jackson was just this type of woman.

Sheila had lived in Seattle all of her life and was always ready to show someone around. Even though she had seen it at least thirty thousand times in her twenty nine years, she always smiled when the Space Needle came into view. Her job driving a DUKW around the city during the summer was a perfect complement to her family’s real business, catching crabs in Alaska. She would head to the frigid waters of Bristol Bay for a few weeks in the fall and winter and make enough money to pay the rent for the rest of the year, so the driving gig was gravy and a whole lot of fun. Sheila was always on the lookout for new jokes for the DUKW rides and she wasn’t scare to drive down a few side streets to get a laugh.

One of the best parts of the ride for the tourists was when the DUKW would enter Lake Union. There are several streets that end in ersatz boat ramps around the lake and the drivers were able to pick and choose the ones they wanted to use. Sheila liked to take the big amphibious vehicle through the University District so the patrons could get a look at the local wildlife.

“Please remember to keep your hands and feet inside the vehicle. We wouldn’t want anyone to lose a limb here on University Way. The panhandlers can get very aggressive”, Sheila shouted through the loudspeakers on her duck.

She had spotted a funny van the other day near her apartment in Georgetown, and today she saw it parked down 12th Ave, so she turned down the narrow street and slowed the duck to a crawl.

“Mothers, please hold tight to your children. We’ve already seen the Troll, but we are now passing an even more sinister monster. Don’t let your girls and boys be tempted by The Kidnapper Van!”

Most of the passengers laughed at the words “FREE CANDY” scrawled on the side of the windowless van, but there was bound to be someone who would complain about the joke. The guys that ran the ducks didn’t really care, they encouraged their drivers to be a little edgy. Sheila thought that she might even put a pin on the map in the office for this joke.