For the next hour or so, Ted did his best to keep charming the two women while Cecil just barely endured the self inflicted torture he was going through. He had lived such a sheltered life that at 23, he hadn’t even kissed a girl yet. Ted decided that he would have to press Cecil a little harder, so he suggested that they all take a drive in his new car.

The four of them piled into Ted’s VW and Ted decided to drive over to Dick’s Drive In on 45th. Cecil sat in the back with Darlene and had to keep leaning into the side of car to avoid Darlene’s wandering hand. He just watched in amazement as Ted put his hand on Katherine’s shoulder, or her bare knee, without even asking, and she seemed to like it. Ted took one left hand turn extremely quickly and Cecil found himself slided into Darlene.

“Oh, sorry,” he said, trying to slide back over to his side of the bench seat.

“I hope we have some more corners like that,” she said putting her hand on Cecil’s leg and trying to pull him back over.

Cecil just giggled in discomfort and hoped that they would arrive at the restaurant soon. He couldn’t imagine how this situation might turn out if this woman kept pawing at him. Luckily, the orange neon of Dick’s lit up the condensation on the rear windows of the bug before Darlene had a chance to molest Cecil any further.

Katherine pulled at the handle on her door to get out, but the door wouldn’t budge. “Is it locked?” she asked, pulling up on the little knob and trying the handle again.

“Oh, hold on. That door needs to be fixed. I’ll open it,” Ted said, getting out and opening the passenger door from the outside. “I’m sure it’s still under warranty, sorry about that.”

Cecil started to climb out of the rear seat and Darlene grabbed his ass before he was able to jump out onto the pavement. He just looked back at her, smiling, and then she blew him a kiss. Although Katherine was the prettier of the two girls, Darlene seemed like she was hot to trot, which made Cecil even more nervous. He knew Ted had a girlfriend and probably wouldn’t want to do anything serious with Katherine, but Ted had already told the women that Cecil was available.

They waited in line in front of the big glass windows of the drive in. Ted pulled Cecil over to his side and whispered in his ear, “Hey, that Darlene wants a piece of you. How about that?”

Cecil looked over at Darlene, eyeing her ample bosom and curvaceous hips, not really knowing what he would do with them if he had a chance. She caught him looking and gave him a wink. “She seems like she might be a little more than I could handle,” he whispered back in Ted’s ear.

“She’s a pussy cat, you can always knock her over the head if she gets too frisky,” he whispered back, punching Cecil in the shoulder.

“Hey Darlene, Cecil was just telling me how much he likes your ass!”, Ted said to Darlene.
“Well, that’s a bit forward,” Katherine said in mock disgust.

Cecil just cowered, hoping that he would just vanish, or get beamed up by Mr. Scott on the Enterprise by mistake. Anything that could get out of this strange alternate universe he was adrift in.

“Come over here and tell me yourself, honey,” Darlene said, cupping her breasts in her hands.

This was the last straw for Cecil Willis. He held up his hands and back away from Ted and the two women. When he tripped and fell backwards off of the curb, they all just started laughing at him. He got up and just started running back across the freeway to his apartment. He didn’t care what Ted, or Darlene thought, he just wanted to be alone.

Stefan tried calling Marie’s cell phone again. It rang a couple times and then went to voicemail. He had already left four messages, so he just hung up.

Marie looked at the screen on her phone when it rang again and just pushed the red button to send Stefan to the voicemail.

“Was that him again?” Sheila asked.

“Yes, I don’t want to talk to him right now. He’ll beg to come up here and it’s just so nice and quiet right now,” Marie said with her feet propped up on the side railing of the crab boat.

****

Marie was working at the Lake Union Cafe and saw Sheila pull up to the intersection in her Duck earlier in the day. The ‘cafe’ was actually just a little espresso stand that was attached to the end of a wine shop. It had one inside table and a deck with tables and chairs for a few people to sit at. The light was red and Marie knew it was at least a four minute red light at the six way intersection so she ran out to say hello.

“Hey stranger!” she yelled up at the side of the rolling boat.

Sheila leaned over the edge and saw Marie. She smiled and held up one finger for her to wait. “Hey everybody! Who wants some coffee? Real Seattle espresso made by my friend Marie?” she said over the loudspeaker.

The group of japanese tourists all shouted at the question and Sheila decided that it was a yes, whether it was a yes or not. She pulled the Duck halfway up onto the sidewalk in front of the cafe and marched everyone off the boat.

“Coffee break! The boat leaves in ten minutes!” Sheila shouted as Marie ran back into the cafe.
Almost everyone on board ordered a small shot of espresso and the deck was full of people. Some of them were able to sit, but many stood and drank out of the little white cups. At first Marie was kind of perturbed at the sudden rush of people, but when saw how much the tourists were leaving in the tip jar, she gave Sheila a big thumb’s up.

Sheila kept tabs on everyone and tried to help clean up the mess as they were finishing their coffee. When Marie had pulled the last shot for the end of the line of tourists, she waved for Sheila to come behind the bar.

“Wow, there’s at least sixty dollars in the tip jar. You should come by more often!” she said to Sheila, dumping the tips into a drawer.

“I’ll see if I can spread the word down at the station. You’re only three blocks from the boat ramp that puts you in near the Sleepless in Seattle houseboat. A lot of the foreign tour groups want us to drive by that,” Sheila said.

“Well, you just made my shift totally worthwhile. Thanks!”

“If you’re not busy a little later, come up to Fisherman’s Terminal. My brothers and I are going to have a little thing on our boat,” Sheila said, searching her pockets for a card.

“When? I close down at six.”

“That sounds about right. Here’s the map to the boat,” Sheila said, handing her a card.

Marie read the card which had a picture of a huge ship on the front and and map of the marina on the back. The Carrie Beverly was moored on dock 8 in Fisherman’s Terminal in Salmon Bay.

“Wow, that is a big boat!”, Marie said, looking up at Sheila.

“If you can’t make it, no big deal. It’s just a mellow thing, but it will be fun,” Sheila said as she turned to walk back to the Duck. “Everyone back on board! It’s time to see the Sleepless in Seattle houseboat! Come on let’s go!”

The passengers shouted their approval and queued up to shuffle back on board the boat. Marie collected the cups and saucers that were still strewn about the deck and waved goodbye when Sheila gunned the engine to get the Duck going down the road. She washed up the aftermath and then counted out the tip jar. Somehow she ended up with one hundred and three dollars in tips from the tsunami of tourists.

***

“You should at least tell him that you’re OK, he must be worried or he wouldn’t keep calling,” Sheila said, watching sun start to set above the Olympic mountains.

“I will in a bit. It’s just so relaxing here on the water,” Marie said handing the bong back to Sheila.

“You don’t want to talk to him while you’re stoned, do you?” Sheila said laughing.

“Well, there is that,” Marie said, smiling.

Suzi finished her work on at the prison on Thursday and got her stuff together to drive back to Seattle. She hadn’t had a chance to even turn her iPhone on all day and when she did, she had four emails from Gretchen. The subject lines ranged from ‘WTF?’ to ‘U R insane’, so she figured that Marie had played her the song. She tried to call Gretchen to smooth things over.

“Hey Gretch, it’s me. Don’t hate me because I’m pretty,” she said to Gretchen’s voicemail. “Hate me because I am consumed by my art. I still love you.”

If that didn’t make her feel better, maybe a dinner at her favorite Thai restaurant would do the trick. She called back and this time Gretchen picked up.

“Hello? Suzi, the insane one?” Gretchen asked.

“Hi sweetie. Phad thai and deep fried tofu, on me?” Suzi asked in a girly voice.

“OK. I love you too,” Gretchen said.

“Seven, straight up at Ayuthaya. How ‘bout that?”

“Now you’re my favorite person.”

“I know. We can’t let little things spoil our big thing, can we?”

“I’ve got a book for you to read. I’ll be there,” Gretchen said, hanging up.

It was only three o’clock, so Suzi decided to take the scenic route home. She went into Tacoma and took the little ferry to Vashon Island. She drove up the island to the other ferry dock and then took the larger boat to the Fauntleroy dock, which was only six blocks from her house in West Seattle.

While she was waiting in her car for the ferry to finish pushing into the dock, she saw a seagull spiral out of the sky and land in the parking lot. She kept her eyes on the pile of feathers, tapping on her steering wheel until they waved her off the boat. She pulled over to the side of the dock and ran over to the bird, which was dead. She scooped it up and threw it into the trunk of her car and drove home as quickly as she could.

“Fast taxidermy is clean taxidermy,” was something that her instructor always said to the class that she was in at the vocational school. When she started gutting the seagull in her basement, the bird was still warm. She kept looking at the clock while she tried to get the bird prepped so she could store it until she got back from dinner.

Finally, she knew she had to leave. Gretchen hated it when people were late. Suzi plopped the seagull in a stainless steel bowl, covered it with plastic wrap and threw it in the fridge. She looked in the mirror and decided that she didn’t need to change. She raced up to Capitol Hill and when she crested the hill on Pike Street, she saw Suzi waiting outside the restaurant. It was 7:01.

She pulled over into the loading zone and rolled down the window, “Hey, I need to park.”

“Let me me come with you,” Gretchen said as she pulled the door open and sat down.

Gretchen scrunched down in the seat and moved her head so she could look back down the sidewalk in the rear view mirror. Suzi pulled out and started circling the block.

“What are you looking for?”Suzi asked.

“I was in the sex shop, looking at some vibrators and other things and this dyke kept winking at me. She started making lewd expressions with the butt plugs so I left,” Gretchen said, looking over at Suzi. “Oh my god! What happened?!?”

Suzi slammed on the brakes in the middle of the street, looking around, “What?!”

“What happened? There is blood all over your pants!”

Suzi’s head dropped as she looked down at her white scrubs, which were covered with eighty percent of the blood volume of an average California Gull. “Oh, wow. Sorry. I guess I need some new pants.”

Stefan resumed his duties at the entrance and the women starting talking about their other hobbies. Gretchen was an avid knitter when she wasn’t tending bar. Marie drew cartoons and comics, but she was sure they’d never be good enough to get published. Sheila wrote erotic fiction.

“Really? You seem so straight laced,” Gretchen said putting her elbows on the bar, hoping Sheila might give some examples of her writing.

“I am. I’m completely vanilla, but my alter ego is a sex crazed nymphomaniac,” Sheila said.

“Isn’t that redundant?” Marie asked.

“Ok, yes it is redundant. But I get away with a lot of repitition in the style of writing that people like to read,” Sheila said.

“I’ve heard that you’re supposed to use the term ‘hypersexual’ now a days,” Gretchen piped in.

“Yes, you are also correct. Nympomania was a term used for hypersexual women. But we all know that the sex drive is different for everyone, so someone else’s orgy might be a regular Saturday night for you,” Sheila said, waving her hand in Gretchen’s direction.

“Don’t bring my sex life into this. You said you wrote fiction,” Grethen said, starting to blush.

“Yes, I always change the names to protect the innocent,” Sheila said smiling.

“So, are you writing for men or women?”, Marie asked.

“Both really, I guess. I just write the stuff. My agent sells it. I’ve only seen my books at a couple of bookstores in the Seatle area. They don’t carry a wide variety of erotic fiction at Barnes & Noble or Borders,” she said.

“It’s really slow here tonight. How about a reading?” Gretchen asked, hopefully.

Gretchen just squirmed on her seat.

“Come on, Gretchen, you’re embarrassing her. We all just met,” Marie said.

“What, I’m wearing this hat that I knitted. I just wanted to hear some of her work,” Gretchen said pulling on the tassle of her green woolen hat.

“Tell you what. I’m a little too shy to go get something to read out loud, but I’ll bring one my books over here tomorrow for you to read,” Sheila said, hoping to placate Gretchen.

“Can I read it too?” Marie asked.

“Sure, I can give two copies and you can let Stefan read it too,” she said.

“Remember, it’s not me. It’s Sally Sweetwater.”

“Sally Sweetwater,” Gretchen said, rolling her eyes.

“Don’t knock it, sister. Sally sold fifteen thousand copies of her last book,” Sheila said.

Gretchen was already typing ‘Sally Sweetwater’ into the search box on amazon.com. She laughed out loud when she read the title of the lastest book, “Really, ‘Come Into My Cubicle’. That’s the title?”

“Yeah, sounds bad. But it sells. Do they still have ‘Rest Stop Romances’ listed?”, Sheila asked trying to see the computer’s screen.

“I don’t think you should have told us about this line of work. You know I’ll write a song about it,” Marie said to Sheila.

“I want to read ‘Rest Stop Romances’,” Gretchen said to Sheila. “Go get it. I want to read it right now.”

“OK, I’ll go get a copy, but then I’m going to bed. I have to go to work in the morning,” Sheila said.

“I’ll come with you and then I’ll bring it back here so you can crash, OK?” Marie offered.

“Just do it now. I must read this book!”, Gretchen said, shooing them away.
Sheila and Marie walked back to the apartment buildling together to get the book. When they got to the front door, Marie thought of the old joke about the name of the apartment building.

“Hey, that would be a good name for a book,” she said, pointing at the gold lettering on the glass. “Man’s Chest in Your Arms!”

“Nice one. You’ll have to help me write it,” Sheila said opening the door.

“I’ll have to come up with a pseudonym though, what should it be?” Marie pondered to herself.

They made their way back down into the basement, and Sheila dug out a couple copies of ‘Rest Stop Romances’ from the box in her storage locker. The cover art was kind of disturbing and Marie started to wonder what kind of book club Gretchen had signed them up for.

Sheila saw the look of fear in Marie’s face when she handed her the book. She thought the cover was kind of strange herself. “I had nothing to do with the artwork,” she said.

The cover was a crude oil painting of a dark night at a road side rest stop. There were only a couple yellow streetlights shining down on the two cars in the parking lot in the distance. The main focus was on the figure standing below the title. His face was completely black and in silhouette, but there was a stripe of light on his hands and they were obviously buttoning up his jeans as he left the restroom. Then you would notice the small face peering out of the crack of the door to the restroom, waving to the man who was leaving.

“How much did you pay for it?” Cecil asked.

“With tax and everything, it was two thousand and twelve dollars. They said that they took twenty five off since I wanted to be the first one to wash it,” he said smiling.

“I’ll give you three thousand for it,” Cecil said, reaching for his wallet.

“Are you nuts? Just go up the street and buy one of the other ones. This baby’s mine.”

Cecil just clenched his fists and took a deep breath. He had really had his heart set on beige. It was the color of his future, he just knew it. Now this bozo had thrown a monkey wrench into the whole works. He started to walk away, but then he turned back when he got to the end of the alley. He watched the man start to towel off the car and the sun just sparkled off that light brown carapace. He had to try again.

“Look. Here’s three thousand in cash,” he said holding out the money that he had crammed into his wallet.

“Man, I’ve got a date in a couple of hours and I just got this thing licensed in my name. I’m not selling this car. I don’t need the hassle. What is your name, neighbor?”, the young man asked.

“I’m Cecil Willis,” he said, still fuming.

“Nice to meet you, I’m Ted, Ted Bundy,” he said holding his hand out. “Let’s be friends. I’ll even give you a ride up to the dealer if you want.”

Cecil reached out and reluctantly shook Ted’s hand. He had to admit to himself that Ted was certainly a charmer. He decided to wait around while Ted finished drying the car so the two of them could drive up the street together.

“Why are you walking around with three grand in cash?” Bundy asked.

“I was planning on buying this car today,” Cecil said.

“The early bird gets the worm,” Bundy replied, smiling.

“Yeah, you’re right. I really had my heart set on beige. Are you sure this was the last one?”

“Yep. I started looking for this car when I got back from the back east. I was working over in Ballard and I asked around at the VW dealership over there and then they sent me to Freeway Motors. I’m going to go up and grab my coat and wallet, I’ll be back in a jiffy,” Ted said as he ran up the stairs.

Cecil just stared down at his shoes while he sat on the back stairs of the house where Ted lived. He might have to settle for a car of a different color, since his new neighbor didn’t seem to want to part with the beige bug.

Ted came back and the two of them got into the brand new car. Cecil just loved the sound of the engine and the feel of the plastic seats and the plastic handle on the dashboard. Everything fit together so well. When Ted finally closed his door, the pressure almost popped their ears. They just looked at each other and laughed.

They drove up to Freeway Motors and Ted introduced Cecil to the salesman that had sold him the car earlier in the day. They had told him about the fifty dollar finder’s fee for any referrals that led to a sale, so Ted was pretty sure he’d have something coming his way. Cecil had seemed bound and determined to get his hands on a Bug.

After the salesman started showing Cecil around the lot, Ted left to go catch up with his girlfriend. Cecil just watched the beige Beetle drive away and then heard the saleman say his name.

“Cecil? How about this beauty?” he said with his hand on a bright red VW.

“No, too flashy,” Cecil said.

“Come on sport. The girls love flashy cars. If I were you, I’d be testing out one of these Karmann Ghias. They’ve got all the same mechanicals as the Beetle, but they are wrapped in this sexy Italian body,” the salesman pitched.

“No, I don’t think my mother would like me to give her a ride in anything sexy. Plus who’s going to be able to sit in that rear seat?”

“Keeps you and your lady friend from giving rides to free loaders. Thinking ahead, weren’t they?”, he said.

“I’ll take that dark blue one,” Cecil said pointing at the Bug in the far corner of the lot.

“That one’s got a couple extras. White walled tires, already been rustproofed, and it’s got the white Hawaii window seals. It will run a few hundred more than this red machine.”

“That’s OK, I’ll take it.”

The salesman was more than happy to unload that car. It had been a special order for a customer in Hawaii, but the guy had never called back after they brought the car through customs. The original buyer had already forfeited his deposit and the sales manager would love to see it sold.

Cecil surprised the salesman with his stack of one hundred dollar bills, but he took them with a smile. It was just an hour or so to get all the paperwork done, then the saleman drove with Cecil over to the nearest gas station to get the car full of gas and check the pressure in all the tires. Once he had driven it, he was just as glad to have gotten a dark blue one and felt that maybe beige wasn’t his color after all.

The guard got up an grabbed the wheelchair from the corner of the room.

“Doris? Hello, Doris?” Suzi said as she squeezed the patient’s hands.

“Hey, hey, is it time for dinner?”, Doris asked, still very disoriented.

“Let’s sit up and slide over to your livery my dear,” Suzi said, as she and Amy helped Doris slide into the wheelchair.

“Oh, look at that!” Doris said with her head bobbing. “It’s a kitty!”

“No, remember it’s a beaver,” Suzi said to Doris. “Who am I kidding, she won’t remember any of this,” she said to Amy and the guard, smiling.

The guard wheeled Doris out of the room and then Amy walked outside to have a smoke break. The next two patients were just some easy drill and fills, so Suzi washed her face to get the majority of the makeup off. There was still a haze of white left, but Suzi thought that made her look even more mysterious.
When Amy came back they took care of an arsonist’s bicuspid and then a molar that was giving a white collar criminal some problems. Suzi wrapped up the day by helping Amy get everything cleaned and then she left instructions for what Amy was to get prepared for the morning.

Suzi, changed out of her black scrubs into some brightly colored yoga pants and a tie-dyed shirt. She stowed her gear into a locker and then walked through the cursory inspection area. After she left the prison grounds, Suzi drove to Kopachuck State Park and walked down to the beach. She sat on the gravelly shore and tried to get into a meditative frame of mind.

She kept getting distracted by all the creatures scurrying around the rocks. When she closed her eyes she could hear the madrona trees swaying in the wind behind her. She could hear the crabs falling over the small rocks on the beach. She could hear the mosquito homing in on her, SMACK, as her hand dealt the insect a death blow against her neck.

“Sorry,” she said to the spirit of the mosquito as it left the beach.

Suzi gave up on the silent meditation and pulled her iPhone out of her purse to check her email. There was something from Marie with a large attachment. “A new song?” she asked herself, and then pressed for the file to download. It took a few minutes since she wasn’t anywhere near an optimal location for data services, but it got into her phone and she dug her earphones out of the bottom of her purse to give it a listen.

The melody was strong and she started to groove on the guitar track just when the words started. For the second month in a row, everything fit together really well. If the three of them kept it up, they might have to actually decide on a name for the band.

She thought about the note that she left for Stefan. She decided to bring it to the bar and see what he did when she handed it to him in person. Since it had only taken about an hour to get the song together, she decided to see if Sheila wanted to tag along for the fun. Marie made her way back down into the basement of the building and knocked on Sheila’s door.

“Who is it?”, she said from inside apartment.

“It’s Marie. I hope you were still awake.”

“Yeah, just a sec,” Sheila said as she unlocked the door and unhooked the chain.

When the door opened, Sheila was standing there in light green, flannel pajamas.

“I can’t remember which one you are. Is it Tinky-Winky or Dipsy?” Marie asked, laughing.

Sheila looked down at her outfit and said, “Oh, I’m pretty sure the green one is Dipsy.”

“I heard Tinky-Winky might be gay,” Marie said.

“Not that there’s anything wrong with that,” They both said at the same time, smiling.

“I finished my project faster than I thought possible, so I’m going to go show it to Gretchen, the bartender at the Six Pound Cleaver. Are you up for that?”

“Sure, I’ve just been reading. Let me throw on some actual clothes,” Sheila said as she turned around to get some duds out of her dresser in the wall. “Just a minute, I’ll be right out,” she said as she went in the bathroom.

Marie nodded and stepped into the small apartment to close the door and keep the heat inside. She looked over at the bed and saw that Sheila had a copy of The Great Gatsby propped open on the pillow. She remembered a few things from the time she had read it in high school, but that was ten years ago and the details were foggy.

“Is this your first time through The Gatsby?”, she asked Sheila through the door.

“No,” came the muffled response.

“I need to read it again,” Marie said, propped against the wall.

Sheila opened the door and reached down to grab her boots. “I heard something on the radio the other day when I was parking my rig and it made me want to read it again,” she said tying up the laces on her red boots.

“Was there some new discovery made about the book or something?”

“No, there was an interview with this guy that has the entire book memorized. He typed it out word for word to appreciate the writing in a more thorough way and ended up commiting the book to memory,” Sheila said, reaching for the book and then putting a bookmark in before she closed it.

“Wow. That does make me want to read it again, just to see if it’s worth it,” Marie said as she opened the front door.

“How far is this bar?”, Sheila asked.

“It’s just around the block. We’re just walking.”

“Sounds good,” Sheila said walking out behind Marie into the hallway.

The two women walked back up through the building talking and laughing. Mrs. Atwater opened her door a crack and stared at them with one eye until Marie stared back and started walking directly towards the door. Mrs. Atwater slammed the door and they heard three deadbolts engage before it became quiet. They just laughed at the old woman and made their way outside.

“Hey, I brought your note along with me. Let me show it to Stefan and see what he says before you walk up to the door,” Marie said, waving the note in front of her.

“You shouldn’t be too hard on the guy. I was just joking around,” Sheila said, stopping.

“He can take it, believe me,” Marie said, pulling on her sleeve.

Marie and Sheila got to the corner of the building where the bar was located and Marie held her hand up so Sheila would stop before they walked where Stefan might be able to see them.

“Wait here until I throw up my hands try to leave. Stefan will grab me and try to explain what’s happening. Then, walk up and say something flirty or snarky,” Marie said to Sheila.

Marie walked around the corner and held the note in her hand, shaking it up and down. Stefan was smoking a cigarette while he sat on his stool, waiting for customers. He looked up and saw Marie, but it looked like something was wrong.

“Hi baby. I thought you were staying in for the night,” he said.

“Don’t ‘hi baby’ me. This was on your windshield,” she said pushing the note into his chest.

Stefan dropped his cigarette and put it out his foot as he grabbed the paper from Marie’s hand. He turned on his flashlight to read the note and then look at Marie, who was doing her best to make steam come out of her ears.

“I don’t know what this means,” Stefan said.

“It looks like you’ve been following some girl around, or you’ve got some parent pissed off at your ‘FREE CANDY’ sign,” she said, grabbing the note back.

“There was a crazy chick that I saw a couple times today, maybe she followed me down here.”

“Crazy chick! That’s the pot calling the kettle black!” Marie said throwing up her arms and turning to leave.

Stefan reached out and grabbed the back of Marie’s jacket and just as she was rearing up to take a swing, Sheila yelled, “Hey Pervert!”

Stefan let loose his grip on Marie and froze.

Marie doubled over laughing when she saw the look on his face.

Sheila kept walking closer and started to wave her finger at Stefan.

He looked at Marie, then Sheila, then Marie and then shuffled backwards to his stool.

“Hey Stefan, this is Sheila, but you said you already met one crazy chick today!” Marie said, still laughing.

“Crazy? Who are you calling crazy?” Sheila said with her hand in a fist, staring right at Stefan.

Marie stopped laughing when she heard Sheila’s tone of voice, then Sheila turned her head and gave Marie a sly wink. Marie straightened up and crossed her arms, just glaring at Stefan.

“Now, hold on a minute. Let’s all just have a chat and see what’s going on,” Stefan said, getting more worried by the second.

“Pfffft,” Marie said, grabbing Sheila by the arm and marching her past Stefan and up to the bar.

Stefan got back to his feet and watched them walk in. He still didn’t really grasp what was just happened. “What?” he said, holding his hands out from his sides.

“Hi Gretchen,” Marie said when the bartender turned around. “This is my new friend Sheila.”

He pulled out of the parking and drove over to the Staples that was sort of on the way to the Six Pound Cleaver. He liked the look of Sheila’s name tag and thought that maybe he could pick one up at the office supply store. Now, he’d just have to come up with a moniker that sounded tough, something that would make you think twice about messing around with the bar bouncer.

“Welcome to Staples. How can I help you?”

“Well, Brandy, I’m looking for a name tag. Just like the one you’re wearing”, Stefan said, pointing at the tag with his chin.

“You’d like a name tag that says ‘Brandy’?”, she asked.

“Oh, no, I was thinking of something a little scarier.”

“Let me show you the colors we have here at the store. We have white and black, red and white, blue and white, and black and yellow. You can special order different color combinations, but I can make these up while you’re waiting.”

“I like the black and yellow.”

“OK, fill out this form with what you want me to engrave on the tag and I’ll come back over in a minute.”

Stefan grabbed the form and checked off the size, one inch by three inches, which was the largest blank they had in the store. Then he chose an Old English font style which he thought looked bad-ass. Now he had to think up a good bouncer name. He started chewing on the pen when he realized that it tasted like sour cream potato chips and tried to spit the sensation out of his mouth.

“Are you all right?”, Brandy asked, walking over when she noticed him having a fit.

“No, I put this pen in my mouth and it tastes funny. I can’t get it off my tongue!”, he said, rubbing his tongue on his front teeth and continuing to spit.

“Oh, that’s my pen. I might have been cleaning my ears with it”, she said with a shrug.

“Eccch!”, he said, wiping his tongue on his bowling shirt.

“You can rinse your mouth out in the bathroom if you want. Sorry”, she said pointing to the restroom.

Stefan looked down the aisle towards the back of the store where the bathrooms were. He started walking that direction and then turned around to glare at Brandy, while he was still rubbing his tongue on his teeth.

“Sorry”, she said with another shrug.

He had left his form on the counter and she turned it around and picked it up. He had checked all the boxes and filled in the name, so she threw the blank into the laser cutter and started the machine. The name tag was finished by the time Stefan had come back from the bathroom. His face was still twitching and his bowling shirt was all wet from using the sink.

“You really need to fix that faucet”, he said holding out the bottom of his shirt.

“I’ve heard that before”, she said, just half smiling.

“Hey, It’s done. That looks nice”, Stefan said as he released the pin and ran it through the silver stripe on his shirt. “What do you think?”

“It’s so you”, Brandy said, raising her eyebrows.

“Does it scare you?”

Brandy blew a breath out between her lips while she contemplated that question. “Scared? I could be scared.”

“That’s what I was going for.”

“Well, it’s on me, no charge. Sorry about the ear wax taste test.”

“Yeah, keep that pen in your pocket. That was not pleasant.”

Brandy just shrugged again, “Sorry.”

Stefan left the name tag on his shirt and got back in the van. He only had five minutes to get down to the bar to start his duties. He drove down 4th Avenue and cut across the railroad yard to get over to Airport Way. He lucked out with a parking spot right in front of Marie’s apartment. He got out of the van and looked up at her apartment. The lights were on.

“MARIE!”, he yelled up at her windows.

Nothing.

He ran the block and a half over to the Six Pound Cleaver and pulled his stool out to the alcove in front of the door. He didn’t notice that Marie was already in the bar playing pool by herself and he just sat down to check IDs when people came up to the bar. After about fifteen minutes Marie looked over and saw him sitting there. She poked her head through the wrought iron gate that blocked off the patio that served as the smoking section.

“Hey cutie”, she said behind his head.

Stefan was startled and hopped off the stool, then turned around. “Hi Marie, have you been there the whole time?”

“No, I’ve been playing billiards with this really hot chick. What’s that?”

“My new name tag”, Stefan said proudly as he pinched it with his right hand.

“Killer Jones? In Wedding Text?”, Marie said, grimacing.

“What? What’s Wedding Text?”, he said, holding it out to look at it.

“That’s the font you used. Where did you get that thing?”

“At Staples. The clerk said it was scary.”

Marie just shook her head and pushed his hand away from the name tag. She unhooked the clasp and took it out of his shirt. “You’re a dork.”

Thanks for the pic!

The Padre ran around to the port side of Shiela’s duck to talk to her, “Head down to the marina and put in over there. We need to get the big tow truck to pull Duck 4 back to the garage. Then drive these people around Ballard, they are all from a group the Swedish Club put together.”

“Will do, sir”, Sheila replied.

She turned around watch the passengers climb up into their seats. They sure looked like a bunch of Swedes, lots of gray hair and bright blue eyes.

“Is anyone ready for some Lutefisk?”, she asked through the loudspeakers.

There was a subdued cheer from the old folks.

“How about some coffee and gingerbread?”

This seemed a bit more popular with the group so she planned to see if they wanted to stop at the Swedish Bakery on Market Street in Ballard. Sheila backed the Duck out of the parking lot and headed for the marina. The rest of the journey went on without a hitch, and fun, coffee and pastries were had by all.

“Thanks for coming. Bye. Thanks. You’re welcome. No problem. Those were good cookies. Buh-bye. Bye now. Thanks. And, thank you sir”, Sheila said as the elderly disembarked.

Sheila pulled the Duck around the back of the office and hopped out to see if The Padre was back. The office door was open, but there wasn’t anyone inside. The computer was still there, and the TV and the radio. She went over to radio.

“Base Monkey to Ducks”, she said.

“Duck 1 here, rounding the corner”, The Padre said as his SUV careened into the parking lot, then he jumped out and trotted over to the office.

“Duck 3 to Base Monkey”, the radio squawked as Sheila was hustling out from behind The Padre’s desk.

The Padre walked over and hit the radio bar, “Just park that thing Jimmy.”
“Will do, over and out”

“So the swedes are all hopped up on caffiene and powdered sugar, roaming Seattle Center, I’m sure”, Sheila said to The Padre.

“Here’s fifty bucks for the extra trip”, he said, handing her the bill.

“Wow, cool. Call me anytime mister”, she said stuffing the fifty into her pocket.

“OK Anytime, Can you fill up your rig with fuel on the way to the garage?”
“It’s gonna take more than fifty bucks to fill up that monster!”, Sheila joked. They all had cards for the fleet fueling station down in SODO, a couple blocks from the garage.

“Funny girl. That’s why we keep you around here.”

The Padre started shuffling things around on his desk, so Sheila went into the break room to see if any of the other drivers had any new jokes on the board. There wasn’t anything new on the map or the message board, so he took a blue pin and put it on the intersection of 12th and 42nd. Then she grabbed a blue marker and wrote, “Amber Alert” on the white board. She’d let the other drivers try to figure that one out for themselves.

Sheila gassed up the Duck and tucked it into bed in the massive garage that held eight of these behemoths when they weren’t driving or floating around. Someone had already taken the nose of Duck 4 apart in an attempt to diagnose the illness. Her Duck was the last one in for the evening so she made sure to turn off all the lights and check the alarm. Her apartment was only a mile south in Georgetown so she always rode her bike to work.

As she was out in front of the garage putting on her helmet she saw a beat up old van sputtering its way up the street. When she saw the words “FREE CANDY” on the side, she waved and give the driver a big thumbs up. Stefan saw her waving and he waved back.

“Hmmph”, he hmmphed to himself as he watched the girl disappear in the rear view mirror. He wasn’t used to such a rousing endorsement for his ride.

So, here’s something from today’s effort….

“That’s just crazy”, Marie said to Stefan.

“I know. He shall be a constant reminder to me that I need to get a nicer place to live”, Stefan said looking to see if his beer was on its way. Gretchen brought their drinks and went back to her bar without saying anything.

“You can always come and shack up with me”, Marie said, smiling.

Even though Marie’s apartment had several advantages over Stefan’s, it was only a little bit bigger than his apartment in the U-District and he wasn’t sure that the two of them could cohabitate in such a small space.

“You say that now, but you’d get tired of me hanging out there all the time”, Stefan said, taking a swig of his Rainier.

“I’m only there when I sleep, and it’s so cold when I’m all by lonesome.”

“This is true. But, you have no parking. Where would I put the van?”, Stefan said, pointing his thumb in the direction of The Kidnapper Van.

“Rent a parking space somewhere. If we split my rent and you pay a hundred bucks to park that thing, you’ll still be ahead”, Marie said, convinced that this plan would work, but she knew that she would need to keep up the pressure on Stefan if she really wanted him to move in.

“But you don’t have a TV!”

“I don’t have a TV because I don’t hang out at home. I watch it here, or at the cafe.”

“I’m not ready to give up my apartment yet. I’ve been doing pretty well as far as money goes.”

As far as reality went, Stefan was just a little disconnected. As long as he saw some cash going into his wallet, he figured he was doing good. The fact that the balance on his savings account kept diminishing was something he would about some time in the future. Marie could never figure out if Stefan was keeping up with his lifestyle, as unextravagant as it was, but she wasn’t in any position to give out financial advice either.

“Well, I’m willing to give a try whenever you are. I sure hope you’re staying over tonight.”

“I am yours for the evening, my lady. I will entertain you as you desire.”

“Can we go drive the van around the parking lot at Southcenter and scare the white folks?”, Marie asked, clapping her hands together.

“Sure, but I better not keep drinking this beer. I don’t want to run afoul of the law.”, Stefan said, pushing his beer away.

Stefan pulled out a five dollar bill and put it under his beer bottle. He stood up and offered to pull Marie’s chair out for her, but she just punched him in the gut and laughed. The two of them walked across the street and drove off in the van, setting out to terrorize some young mothers at the mall.

***

Seattle is city practically surrounded by water, with Puget Sound to the west and Lake Washington to the east. The Ship Canal and Lake Union bisect the city with water. It’s only natural with this abundance of water that there would be ducks. Actually they are DUKW’s, but just Ducks for short. A DUKW is an amphibious landing craft from that was used in World War II and the Korean War to ferry supplies and troops. It looks like a big open boat with truck tires sticking out of the hull, with a propellor hanging off the back. Now they just carried tourists on tours around the city, hoping to get them whipped into a frenzy.

During the summer, it’s not unusual to get surrounded by these vehicles if you happen to be driving Downtown, or near the stadiums, or around Lake Union. The drivers do the usual jokes and noise making to entertain the tourists that are eager for this type of thrill. Since these old beasts of war are fairly large vehicles to manuever, most of the drivers are men, but there were a couple of women determined enough to tame a duck. Sheila Jackson was just this type of woman.

Sheila had lived in Seattle all of her life and was always ready to show someone around. Even though she had seen it at least thirty thousand times in her twenty nine years, she always smiled when the Space Needle came into view. Her job driving a DUKW around the city during the summer was a perfect complement to her family’s real business, catching crabs in Alaska. She would head to the frigid waters of Bristol Bay for a few weeks in the fall and winter and make enough money to pay the rent for the rest of the year, so the driving gig was gravy and a whole lot of fun. Sheila was always on the lookout for new jokes for the DUKW rides and she wasn’t scare to drive down a few side streets to get a laugh.

One of the best parts of the ride for the tourists was when the DUKW would enter Lake Union. There are several streets that end in ersatz boat ramps around the lake and the drivers were able to pick and choose the ones they wanted to use. Sheila liked to take the big amphibious vehicle through the University District so the patrons could get a look at the local wildlife.

“Please remember to keep your hands and feet inside the vehicle. We wouldn’t want anyone to lose a limb here on University Way. The panhandlers can get very aggressive”, Sheila shouted through the loudspeakers on her duck.

She had spotted a funny van the other day near her apartment in Georgetown, and today she saw it parked down 12th Ave, so she turned down the narrow street and slowed the duck to a crawl.

“Mothers, please hold tight to your children. We’ve already seen the Troll, but we are now passing an even more sinister monster. Don’t let your girls and boys be tempted by The Kidnapper Van!”

Most of the passengers laughed at the words “FREE CANDY” scrawled on the side of the windowless van, but there was bound to be someone who would complain about the joke. The guys that ran the ducks didn’t really care, they encouraged their drivers to be a little edgy. Sheila thought that she might even put a pin on the map in the office for this joke.